No real updates on the babies this evening.  We are scheduled to transfer them back to Paragould in the morning (as long as they both behave themselves tonight), and the doctors didn’t want to change anything today.  They said they didn’t want to stress or push the babies too much since the trip will do that enough tomorrow. 

Heath and I have mixed feelings about the transfer.  We both really want to be back in Paragould so we can spend much more time with Kalyn and Keali.  We miss them so much.  I will be staying at the hospital with Kynan and Kaci while Heath will stay at home with the girls, and bring them up to visit.

While we are happy to be going back, we are both scared too.  My biggest worry is that one or both babies will get very sick and won’t have the care they may need immediately.  Heath is worried that Kaci will decide to do a 180 on the way up and they will have to turn around and the babies will be separated.  I don’t know what we would do then. 

I’m sure everything will turn out fine, but I worry none the less.  I get it from Grandma Hale.  I come by it honestly!

Let me tell you something about Kynan.  He is the freakiest sleeper ever!  He sleeps with his eyes OPEN!  I mean, wide open.  It completely creeps me out.  I don’t know why he does it, but when I see it, I gently close his eyes.  They never stay closed though.  He will inevitably re-open them within moments.  Freaky.

Sometimes, Kynan will start to cry and I will go to his isolette to hold his hand and stroke his hair.  It breaks my heart when he grabs my hand and arches his back towards me as if he is begging me to pick him up and hold him.  He looks at me pleadingly.  So sad.  Sometimes I will pick him up (it’s so weird to have to ask permission to hold my own baby!) and hold him close.  He turns towards me and starts rooting.  That breaks my heart too.  He is a precious little boy and we are so blessed to have him.

I was holding Kaci this afternoon while she ate and slept.  I was stroking her soft baby cheek and the tiny corners of her mouth would tilt upwards.  I kissed her cheek and she got a big smile.  I did it a few more times and was rewarded with some more smiles.  I know some people will say she was just twitching, but I think she knew what was happening. 

When they were born almost two weeks ago, I thought they looked very much alike.  Now, at 12 days old, I can barely tell they are siblings!  Aside from being the exact same length, and almost the same weight, they look nothing alike. 

Kynan has blond blond hair and a long slender face.  He also has a huge head (relatively speaking).  Kaci has a small chubby face and darker blond hair.  Her head is much smaller than her brothers.  They do have the same arms and legs, but I’m willing to bet that most babies their gestational age have similar appendages.  They are long arms and legs though.  They have the same long, slender, perfectly formed fingers (a gift from their Daddy), and knobbly knees.  Their feet are large for the rest of their size, but super cute to hold.

I can see so much of their older sisters in them.  Kynan and Kalyn have the same nose.  Kaci and Keali have the same nose.  Kaci, Keali, and Kalyn all have the same cheeks.  Kaci and Keali have the same ears.  Kynan has his Daddy’s ears, and I don’t know whose ears Kalyn has.  Haha!  The only part of me I see, is sometimes Kaci looks like I did when I was a newborn.  I don’t think Kynan looks like me at all. 

It doesn’t matter who they look like though, or what characteristics they each have.  I love them all dearly and can’t imagine my life with out each and every one.  Wow.  I have four children!  How did that happen?  I doubled over night!  Hard to believe. 

Monkeys & Giraffes

As mentioned in the previous post, we bought Kynan and Kaci real clothing yesterday.

Today was a very special day.  Heath held Kaci for the very first time, and we both held both of our babies at the same time!  It was amazing!

Handsome Boy.

Miss Kaci.

Kynan in his Monkey suit.

I love this picture.

Kaci in her Giraffe suit.

A VERY happy Daddy!

After about 20 minutes of holding them, Heath said, “This isn’t as easy as you think it would be.”  He was right!

Kynan.

Kaci.

Daddy with his babies.

Sleepy trio.

We both love this picture.

Kissing Kaci.

Kissing Kynan.  

Oh So Cute!!

Heath and I went shopping last night for some warmer clothing for Kynan and Kaci.  When the neonatologist visited Kaci yesterday morning, she demanded that Kaci receive a ‘real’ outfit rather than the t-shirt and t-shirt-for-pants that the nurse had dressed her in. 

We went to a number of stores, but do you know how hard it is to find preemie clothing?  REALLY hard!!  And all the stuff we found looked like it was going to be way to big for our tiny babies.  But we persevered and finally picked up one outfit for each baby.  I’ll post pictures of that later.

But today is Halloween.  And they needed costumes.  But where do you find Halloween costumes for preemies?  Our nurse filled us in.  Build-A-Bear.  So we were off. 

We went to Build-A-Bear and picked out some costumes for the kids.  Please enjoy!

Happy Halloween!

Since these are Lambs, what else would they be but basketball players?

So precious!  The outfits are still a bit big, but super cute.

Kaci-Pooh

Fighting over the ball. 

This is the closest they have been since they were born.  I like having my babies together! 

Jump Ball!

I’m gonna bite your ear off!

Kynan kind of looks like he just doesn’t care.

Augh!!!

Pretty Miss Kaci and her eyes.

It wasn’t me!

Sleepy Kynan.

What’s up with the blond hair?

Isn’t she perfect!

She is so pretty.

 

           

This morning, Heath and I woke up extra early to head up to J-Boro for my doctors appointment.  All went well—but I had to hear both my doctor’s and his nurse’s ‘story’ about how my c-section went.  Apparently, it was even worse than I had remembered it being.  Yikes.  We have been very blessed.

After the appointment, we picked up our girls!!  Kalyn and Keali looked great and we loved hugging and kissing them.  They were super cute and silly this afternoon.  First we took them for their flu shots.  This wasn’t the best part of the afternoon.  Kalyn did very well with her seasonal shot, but got a little jittery with the H1N1.  She was very brave though. 

Keali didn’t do so well with the seasonal flu shot, and insisted that I hold her while they gave her the H1N1.  As she screamed and clutched me, my legs suddenly got very very warm.  She was so upset, she lost control of herself and emptied her bladder.  Poor baby!  She had told us minutes before that she needed a restroom, but there wasn’t one anywhere nearby.  I can’t blame her for the accident.

We next drove home so Keali and I could change clothes.  As I walked into the apartment, Kalyn said, “Mommy!  Why did you pee pee in your pants?!”  I said, “I didn’t.”  Then she gave me a knowing nod and said, “Was it the shot?  Did the shot make you do it?”  I didn’t!  I explained what happened, but I still don’t think she believes me.  It was funny.

We ate lunch together then went to the mall for some playtime (it was rainy outside) and then to the candy store for a special treat.  The girls really enjoyed it. 

Leaving was much harder this time.  Kalyn had a complete meltdown and I had to just walk away to keep from having one myself.  I didn’t want to leave them.  I didn’t want to not be with Kynan and Kaci.  This whole situation just stinks.  Hopefully not much longer.

Funny thing…the room across the hall from us in the NICU has had 4 babies come and go since we have been here.  I keep telling Heath we need to move into that room.  I think it has special powers.

Kynan graduated from an incubator to a bassinet this morning!!!  Now we can pick him up any time we want and he gets to wear clothing!  Kynan also is almost tubeless.  He just has his feeding tube.  He still has his EKG leads and pulse ox monitor, so there are a fair number of wires attached to him, but he is much more portable than he was.  Ha

Yea!  Kynan is doing so well…and that cold sore just won’t go away.  :(

Heath holding his Mini-Me.

Happy Momma.

Kynan isn’t the only one doing well!  Kaci is now down to 2 liters of oxygen per minute (as opposed to 4.5).  She also is IV-less, and got her PIC-line removed this evening.  She is almost on full feeds (should get their tomorrow).  We can start trying to bottle feed her when her oxygen is completely out.  She is doing so well and is SUPER cute!  She likes sticking her tongue out.  I have to admit I like seeing her teeny tiny tongue!  She is precious.

My sleeping princess!

This picture is from yesterday—when I got to hold Kaci for the first time!!  She is every bit as huggable and kissable as her brother and I am having the HARDEST time not smothering them with kisses (remember the cold sore). 

Heath was very very tired yesterday.  When he held Kynan I thought he was going to fall asleep.  He didn’t, but he did enjoy the time with his son.

So, to wrap up…It was a great day and we have been so blessed with four amazing beautiful children!  It is a wonderful thing to get to hold and love on each of our children.   

It has now been a week since our precious twins were born.  They days are all running together now.  We wake up, hang out in the room with Kynan and Kaci until the doctors and nurses do their rounds.  I don’t know how it is in other hospitals, but here, the parents are included in the rounds and our opinions and wishes are asked for as well as any observations we’ve made or questions we want answered.  I kind of like it.  It helps me not feel as useless. 

Today during rounds, the new attending (they switch off every week, and this attending is new to the hospital as well—she came from Johns Hopkins) actually questioned the resident, nurses, and med student—challenging them to think and explain their answers or ideas.  It was just like on tv.  Well—this style is apparently new to the resident and med student, because they didn’t seem to appreciate the criticism and challenge very much.  It was funny, but educational for me as well.  I was much better able to understand what they were talking about, and when a particularly med-language chat was had, the attending looked over at us and explained in Melissa language what was being said.  I did like that.

After rounds, we take our showers (sometimes we do this before rounds), then we head into a day of watching, touching, talking to, and sometimes holding our newborn Kynan.  At some point we eat lunch and dinner and some times we venture outside the hospital.  I don’t like leaving the hospital though.  I feel as though something bad is going to happen when I leave.  Probably because the first time I left, Kaci had to be re-intubated and the second time I left, I walked back in to view her getting a PIC-line put in.  Traumatic experiences for me both times.  I told Heath that he will never convince me that Kaci needed the oxygen tube back in for any other reason that she knew I had left and she gave up the will to breath on her own.  Silly, I know…but I am certain that is what happened.

Today I got to feed Kynan out of a bottle!  He only actually got about 2 ccs of fluid in his tummy from this, but it is a start.  I enjoyed the snuggling and the feeling that I was feeding him.  While I took a nap this afternoon, Heath spent 45 minutes snuggling Kynan in the monkey quilt that I made a few weeks ago.  I’m happy he was able to hold him and love on him that long.

Kaci had some excess fluid in her lungs today, so they gave her something called Lasix—a diuretic.  Within a very short time, she had peed out a ton of fluid.  We are hoping that the fluid was just because she has been getting too much from her feeds and IVs combined.  They have cut back her IV fluids for the time being.  They will do another chest x-ray tomorrow morning to look at her lungs again.  If there is still fluid, they may need to check for infection or another cause.  We hope it was just too much fluid.

I promise the pictures of Kaci will increase once she starts waking up and we can hold her.  Hopefully soon!  We will be here in the NICU for at least another week.

Daddy holding his baby.

Mommy and her baby

Kaci Pooh.  A sleeping machine!  All she does is sleep!

Kynan’s first bottle feed.

Hi Mommy!  Hi Baby!

I LOVE this picture!

I love this picture too.

Yesterday was a great day!  Heath and I drove up to J-Boro to visit Kalyn and Keali.  We had glorious expectations that they would both run screaming and smiling to us.  This was not to be.

We had the unfortunate bad timing to arrive at each of their schools during naptime, so it was a sleepy reunion rather than full of energy.  But I’ll take it!  I got the best hugs from each of the girls—they have really missed us. 

We stopped by the house to pick up some more stuff we needed.  While I was doing something, Keali came over and snuggled into me without saying anything.  I felt so loved…and so sad that she is having to be without us right now.

Next we took the girls to Chucky Cheese to eat and play.  They loved it, but I think they loved spending time with us even more.  After CC, we went to the mall so they could play in the play area.  I watched them while Heath ran to a store.  I love seeing my girls having a good time.  There was a little boy there—probably 2 years old who kept chasing Kalyn.  She was terrified of him!  I really can’t blame her though.  He was cute enough, but when he smiled, he looked a bit maniacal.  She eventually toughened up and played with him though.

Sadly, we had to leave, but the girls took it VERY well.  No tears.  We arrived back to the hospital to find Andrea visiting the babies.  I was happy she was able to come see them.  She said she was questioned extensively when she got there—since she wasn’t with Heath and I.  I’m glad that the staff here won’t let anyone steal my babies!

I’m insanely tired today.  Healing up very well and walking normally some of the time.  I feel a lot better.  I am going to take a nap in a few minutes.  A badly needed nap.

So far, today has been great!  When I came to the room around 3 am, Heath told me that at 1 am, Kynan had woken him up crying.  What is so great about that is that Kynan was in his incubator and Heath—who has horrible hearing—could hear him!  Last night, Heath also got to change both babies twice (I got to change Kaci yesterday…and embarrassingly, I put the diaper on backwards.  And not the type of backwards where the tabs are in the front.  I put the outside on the inside…Oops!).  He also got to feed and flip Kynan.  Lucky!

This morning, Dr. Thomas, the neonatologist said Kaci was looking great and that we would try to extubate again today. 

Bryan was able to visit on his way back to school, and after he left I got to hold Kynan for 35 glorious minutes.  He was awake the majority of the time.  I loved how he moved from where we first placed him, to where he was comfortable on my chest.  Every time I tried to re-position him, he would scoot back to ‘his’ spot. 

Andrea and Jimmy were able to stop by to visit and we had a short, but nice one.  When they left, Kaci was extubated.

It had been my intention to not be present in the room for this procedure, because the last time we did it, it was very traumatic for me.  However, this was not to be.  I was pumping when they decided to do it and there was nothing I could do but pretend that I didn’t know what was going on.  I finished what I was doing and washed my supplies.

When I walked back by Kaci’s incubator, I noticed that the tube was no longer in her mouth.  What?!  I hadn’t heard any bells or dings at all.  I quickly looked at the monitor and her oxygen saturation levels were at 100.  Wow!  You can’t get better than that!  She didn’t cry at all and showed no signs that she had ever had a breathing problem.  It was as though she had been breathing on her own from birth.  Amazing.

Currently we are waiting on her first blood gas since the procedure to come back.  It will let us know how well she is really doing.  I hope it is great!  Oh—It just got here.  The doctor said it was “near perfect!”  Yea Kaci!!

Since the procedure, Kaci has been wiggling and rooting.  I am super excited about the rooting.  They are holding off on feeding her until we get the results back, and the poor baby is hungry.  She has fussed a little, but we haven’t heard a good wail yet.  I hope it’s as cute as her brothers!

There is a baby across the hall—a full term baby.  I don’t know why she is here, but she NEVER stops crying.  NEVER.  Maybe that is why she is here?  She literally cries all day and all night.  Heath made a comment earlier that he bets all the nurses are glad that they aren’t responsible for taking care of her.  Nothing makes her happy.  Then he commented that he sort of wished it was his babies that he got to hear cry all the time.  I know the feeling.

And what would a post be without a few pictures of my precious kids?

My baby Kynan

Mommy’s Little Monkey!

His face is smaller than the palm of my hand.

Kaci without the tube!!  Yea!

Doesn’t she look like Keali?

Sleeping soundly.  I’m so happy we can actually see her face now!

     

Our babies are doing very well today.  Kaci is still intubated, and we may try tomorrow to extubate her.  They didn’t want to do it today because, though her blood gases are coming back really good, her pressures (though not bad) could be more consistent.  So we will give her another day to mature. 

Both kids are done with the bililights for now.  They were never really jaundiced, but they were close to the edge of being that way, so the lights were placed on them as a precaution. 

Kynan is now getting 13 ccs each time he eats and Kaci is getting 9 ccs.  They each have some residual formula after each feeding, but it isn’t bad.  Poor little Kaci though.  She is getting an enema today in the hopes that it will encourage her bowels to get a bit more active.  I feel for her!

Kalyn and Keali.  We miss them a lot.  While eating breakfast this morning, a commercial came on tv of a mother fixing pancakes for her children.  I started to cry.  I miss my older babies.  They are spending time with Mamaw and Papaw and are loving it—but they miss us too. 

We are told that Kalyn has been crying at school, and Keali won’t talk to us.  The most we ever get from her is a grunt or two.  Last night when we talked to them, Heath said, “Kalyn.  I have a secret.  You will always be my baby.”  She said that she knew that. 

When she spoke with me, she said, “Mommy.  I have a secret.  You will always be my Mommy.  You can’t tell anyone but Daddy.”  So, I know I just spilled the secret, but I don’t think she will mind.  What did I do when she said this?  I cried of course.  She is such a sweetie!  I can’t wait to be back with them, and I hope that we can get Kynan and Kaci well enough quickly to have them transferred back to Paragould so we can be closer to the girls. 

When we are a whole family again, I will be so happy!

I spoke with the lactation nurses last night and they gave me the best pep-talk ever!  They were from Great Britain and I don’t know…something about their accents made me trust them immediately.  That and their warm smiles.  I felt better about my decisions to do what I am doing, and it renewed my hope that things will work out well.

Heath has been working so hard to take care of all of us.  He is out doing some shopping and getting some personal time away from the hospital.  He feels cooped up after so much time and has to get away.  Today I am resting as much as possible, so I stayed here.  I hope he is finding what he needs—a manly diaper bag.  He is tired of carrying around the girly ones that I always pick out.  LOL!

I got to speak with Matthew today.  The first time in over a year and a half!  I enjoyed our conversation; though short… I was able to catch up with him a little.  I’m happy he is doing well.  Happy Birthday!

Tiny Hineys and Crooked Tushies

I took a look at myself in a mirror last night and there is no other way to say it.  I look rough.  My eyes are tired and swollen from crying (thanks again, hormones).  My face is pale, and I have the daddy of all cold sores on my lower lip.  For some reason, I always get a cold sore immediately after having a baby.  Luckily this time, I can’t get close enough to my babies to kiss them, so that temptation isn’t present.

If there is one part of recovery after having a baby I could do without it would be the hormones.  The pain/discomfort has a reason.  Labor is hard work, and hard work usually comes with a physical price.  The hormones though.  I don’t understand what purpose they serve!  They are uncontrollable.  Thursday afternoon I started crying for absolutely no reason.  Later Thursday afternoon, I had a reason to cry, but even after I talked myself down and rationalized everything in my own mind, I couldn’t stop. 

Then I talk to people on the phone and they ask, “are you crying?”  Well, I wasn’t, but I am now!  Absolutely ridiculous.  And no sign of it slowing down.

I got brave and took a look at my incision sight.  I shouldn’t have.  It is terrifying!  The bruising is so much worse than I could have imagined.  Chalk it up to anemia and blood loss I guess.  I suppose tugging an unwilling baby out didn’t help either.  Let’s see how long this takes to heal.  My bruise from falling in the bathtub a month ago still hasn’t healed completely.  The nurse who gave us our flu shot today saw it and was horrified.  It really does look better now than it did then.

I laugh inside when I think about something…(I can’t laugh really because that hurts).  When I told Heath and my Dad that I was leaving the hospital after only 26 hours, they both told me I was crazy and an idiot.  They encouraged me to stay one more day and rest up a bit.  I later admitted that they were right, and they gave me the “I told you so” speech.  So to my Husband and Father, I am a crazy idiot.  To the nurses here, I am a hero!  One of our nurses said that in her 27 years of nursing, she has never seen a mother leave the hospital 24 hours after a c-section to be with her babies.  They have been very impressed by me.

How do I feel about myself?  I tend to agree with Heath and Dad.  I’m stupid.  Still, given the choice again, I would make the same decision.  I couldn’t have rested being so far away from the babies. 

Kaci under the bililights

Just a little peak of Kynan’s eyes

Kynan

Kynan opened his eyes all the way after Mommy got to hold him!

A snuggly Mommy with her baby boy!

Golden brown hair

Kynan’s crooked tushy

Kynan the plumberman!

Kaci under the bililights

Perfect hand!

The most beautiful sound in the world

I got to hold Kynan for a glorious 45 minutes today!  Heath held him too!  It was HEAVEN.  I’ll post pictures later, but watch this video of Kynan while Heath is holding him.  Right after the transfer from me to him, Kynan got a bit fussy and cried a little.  We both laughed and loved every minute of it!