Oh my goodness.  Heath just offered to buy me new tires for my van for Christmas.  Uh.  No.  I’ll take the tires, but don’t try to pass them off as my Christmas gift.  I don’t really care what I get for Christmas, but I’m pretty sure that tires would just make me mad. 

It has been a day.  Heath and I were planning on Christmas shopping this morning—but once we got the girls to school, the bed was just too tempting and we went back to sleep for a couple hours.  I need sleep!

We got up and did head out to a couple stores, but didn’t find what we were looking for.  After Heath went to work, I hit another store and found it—though I think we may return it and get a different one. 

I picked Keali up from school early so we could spend a little extra time together.  I don’t know if she liked it.  She kept asking if we could go pick up Kalyn.  I guess I’m not as much fun as her sister!  We walked to pick Kalyn up from school.  I had to call Heath to have him walk me through using the stroller for the babies.  I haven’t ever pulled it out and inserted the car seats.  It was complicated.  Maybe I’m just not stroller-savvy. 

We got Kalyn and then walked home.  It was a very pleasant walk home  and I had high hopes for our late afternoon/evening together.  Then we got in the house and all four children began demanding dinner.  The dinner for Kalyn and Keali had to cook for 30 minutes and I had to hear them demand it about 30 times each.  The dinner for the babies didn’t take so long, but was stressful as they were hungry and Kalyn and Keali were too.

I got Kalyn and Keali eating and finished feeding Kynan and Kaci.  By that point—and I’m not exaggerating—I could completely understand (not condone, but understand) how some women can abandon their children.  I was ready to get in the car and drive away.  I don’t know where I would go, but I was ready to head there anyway. 

But who would take care of the kids if I left?  I couldn’t bear the thought of them feeling abandoned and ultimately Heavenly Father helped me realize that somehow the kids were better off with me around and that I loved them too much to go.  It was a struggle though and one that I’m sure I will continue to have.

Depression stinks.  Luckily we have psychiatrists who can help.  I can’t wait for Thursday.

At some point—I think after the kids weren’t all hungry, they began to behave better and we ended up having a fairly nice evening.  They all have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and ALL will be receiving shots.  Kalyn and Keali don’t know this yet and we though it best not to tell them until it is too late—considering what happened when we got them the flu and H1N1 shots.  I think I’ll have to buy Happy Meals to make up for the horror that will be tomorrow afternoon.

And on a final note—I love Christmas music.  As previously mentioned, I’ve had a hard time finding the Christmas spirit this year.  I started listening to Christmas music a couple days ago and it did lift my spirits.  Music always does that for me.  I just keep forgetting the power that notes have.

Oh—and on a really final note—Baby Luke who I asked for prayer for is doing much better.  His surgery went very well and he is so much happier!  Love you Kelly, Brandon, Kyle, Reese, and Luke!!  I’m so happy things are better.