Tiny Hineys and Crooked Tushies

I took a look at myself in a mirror last night and there is no other way to say it.  I look rough.  My eyes are tired and swollen from crying (thanks again, hormones).  My face is pale, and I have the daddy of all cold sores on my lower lip.  For some reason, I always get a cold sore immediately after having a baby.  Luckily this time, I can’t get close enough to my babies to kiss them, so that temptation isn’t present.

If there is one part of recovery after having a baby I could do without it would be the hormones.  The pain/discomfort has a reason.  Labor is hard work, and hard work usually comes with a physical price.  The hormones though.  I don’t understand what purpose they serve!  They are uncontrollable.  Thursday afternoon I started crying for absolutely no reason.  Later Thursday afternoon, I had a reason to cry, but even after I talked myself down and rationalized everything in my own mind, I couldn’t stop. 

Then I talk to people on the phone and they ask, “are you crying?”  Well, I wasn’t, but I am now!  Absolutely ridiculous.  And no sign of it slowing down.

I got brave and took a look at my incision sight.  I shouldn’t have.  It is terrifying!  The bruising is so much worse than I could have imagined.  Chalk it up to anemia and blood loss I guess.  I suppose tugging an unwilling baby out didn’t help either.  Let’s see how long this takes to heal.  My bruise from falling in the bathtub a month ago still hasn’t healed completely.  The nurse who gave us our flu shot today saw it and was horrified.  It really does look better now than it did then.

I laugh inside when I think about something…(I can’t laugh really because that hurts).  When I told Heath and my Dad that I was leaving the hospital after only 26 hours, they both told me I was crazy and an idiot.  They encouraged me to stay one more day and rest up a bit.  I later admitted that they were right, and they gave me the “I told you so” speech.  So to my Husband and Father, I am a crazy idiot.  To the nurses here, I am a hero!  One of our nurses said that in her 27 years of nursing, she has never seen a mother leave the hospital 24 hours after a c-section to be with her babies.  They have been very impressed by me.

How do I feel about myself?  I tend to agree with Heath and Dad.  I’m stupid.  Still, given the choice again, I would make the same decision.  I couldn’t have rested being so far away from the babies. 

Kaci under the bililights

Just a little peak of Kynan’s eyes

Kynan

Kynan opened his eyes all the way after Mommy got to hold him!

A snuggly Mommy with her baby boy!

Golden brown hair

Kynan’s crooked tushy

Kynan the plumberman!

Kaci under the bililights

Perfect hand!