I woke up this morning with a dog licking my face. I hate that! I cannot stand to have a dog lick on my face...it is hard enough to let them lick my hands. Yuck! Anyway, Heath got the girls and they all snuggled up to watch Dora. Heath called me into the room to look at the snuggle-fest. Both girls jumped up and started hugging me too! It really made me feel good because I woke up with some weird feelings.
I am the type of person who must think through everything before being able to really process a situation and determine how I feel about it. Because of this, my processing a situation can take a really long time. My parents have been divorced for over six years and separated for almost eight. Can you believe that I am still working through this situation?
Both parents have since remarried and while I have accepted that they are no longer together, and I have accepted that they have remarried I still am working on my feelings over the whole thing. And my relationships with my parents. Everything changed when the divorce happened. I was an adult so I think it hit me differently than it would have if I had been a child. I was privy to a bit more information than I really wanted (from both parties), but I took my role as being "Mom and Dad need someone to talk to about all this...I guess if they want to talk to me, I will be there for them." I have always been sensitive to people's feelings and I wanted to be there for my parents during that time. Unfortunately the proceedings took more of an effect on me than I realized they would at the time. My relationship with my parents became strained. Differently with each one. Please don't get me wrong...I wasn't my parent's only confidant, and they didn't tell me everything. I let them put me in this situation, but I did take on a role that shouldn't have been mine to take, and now I am still suffering for it.
Anyway, I woke up with a breakthrough to a certain area that I am still working on. It made me anxious to address that portion of my life and get it sorted through, but now I have lost my nerve again. You may wonder why I don't talk these things through with the people who I need to. I can't. When I cry or get upset (I definitely would in this case) I shut down mentally and become confused, or rather, I don't make sense when I speak. Things don't come out they way I mean them to and I am helpless to explain them to anyone's satisfaction. So...if you get a letter from me sometime that goes into all this with a bit more detail...please understand that I am not trying to be rude. I am trying to help you understand me.
Enough seriousness for your day?
4 years ago
2 comments:
Well, I hope you are able to receive some sort of closure soon...it's no fun carrying someone else's burden...even if you accepted it at the time. I made my peace with everything a long time ago and it was such a relief not to have that hanging over my head anymore.
You can always call me and talk. I love you!
Melissa...you are not alone in what you describe. Many people experience difficulty in processing life events that are intense and emotionally challenging. Many people have poor coping skills and end up putting their feelings on the back burner because it's too painful to deal with or they simply do not know "how" to deal with it. I get the sense from your commentary that it's overwhelming to you. I had the same challenge...one thing that helped me was taking it in "chunks". I am a highly analytical person. I take things apart down to it's lowest terms and put it back together again so that I can see every facet from every angle...in order to understand how point A went to point B. For people like me...these kinds of life events ARE overwhelming and you cannot process that large of a ball of wax at one time. Pick out "chunks" to digest. It might work for you. But the thing that has healed me and helped me to process through all of it the most is the personal relationship that I now have with Christ. Had it not been for Him...I would not have been able to process through as I have. Before that...I didn't think I could do it. "Through Christ...ALL (not "some" or for certain people, but A-L-L) things are possible"! It's been a long road for all of us...but we are so very blessed to have come this far. We love you and God loves you...you WILL overcome and we are here for you...MUMS
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